#93. Surrogates, #94. Gamer - Review

Surrogates film posterI am not going to waste much time on either of these flicks. These movies are so similar that I figured I would just knock them out in one post. Surrogates is a Bruce Willis sci-fi schlock fest where everyone in the world interacts through their robotic avatars known as “surrogates.” Just trying to describe this film’s plot pisses me off. This film is stupid from almost every angle. Humans use their robots to work, shop, have sex, do drugs, and everything else you can think of. Meanwhile, the actual human being controlling the robot is laying in some computer bed at home getting fat, sick, and smelly. When someone finds a way to kill humans by killing their surrogates, all of the FBI robots freak out and try to solve the case. Now, of course the question must be asked: Why doesn’t anyone just walk into the room where the actual human is controlling their own robot and shoot them in the face? If you haven’t seen the movie (I’m jealous) then this won’t make any sense, but my point is that even if you have seen it then it still won’t make any sense! I really hated this flick. There were some cool action scenes I guess, but who cares. Every movie can have cool set pieces. Anyway, I am done thinking about this stupid movie.

Gamer film bannerSo I guess I was in an especially masochistic mood last night because I followed up Surrogates with an equally unwatchable science fiction film where people can control other people like a video game. Gamer has Gerard Butler, the man who should never make another romantic comedy again, wrongly imprisoned for killing some dude. While he was in prison Dexter (Michael C. Hall) figured out a way to let people basically take over someone else’s body and make him or her do whatever they want. This was deemed legal by the United States government. Now stay with me; Dexter also created a game called “Slayers” where convicted murderers are put into a Call of Duty style deathmatch game and teenage boys control their bodies while they try and kill each other. If a man is able to survive 30 rounds of this game, then he is officially pardoned and set free. Again, completely legal. Are you confused yet? Ludacris (perhaps the worst of the rapping actors) is able to hack into the game or something, and is able to set King Leonidis free to get his revenge on Dexter. Terrible.

Michael C. Hall in Gamer shirtlessIf you have seen either of these flicks (I am sorry) let me know what you thought. They are both on Netflix Instant Streaming so if you want to punish yourselves then take a look. I suggest you just watch all 6 seasons of The Larry Sander’s Show, HEY NOW!